Following a night of Las Vegas debauchery, a guy groggily wakes up to find a scantily dressed girl next to him in bed. On the nightstand, he sees what appears to be a wedding photograph from among the strip’s wedding chapels. Hastily putting on his glasses he covers his mouth in shock because he realizes he is the one in the picture.
Although the woman’s face is partially covered, he notices the cheap wedding ring onto her finger. He places an open purse. He rummages through her purse and he finds her wallet. He looks at her driver’s license and sees her first name is Christina – he already knows what her last name is.
And before he shuts her bag that he finds a wide-ruled paper written in crayon beginning with Dear Mommy. The now-sober man realizes not only is he a new husband, but he’s also a brand new stepdad.
The Way To Do It
When a couple dates, they create a connection and fall in love before deciding to get married. In the exact same way, if there’s a child involved and your relationship is heading toward the altar you need to begin courting your future stepchild. With the objective of establishing a relationship and creating a relationship before proposing marriage.
Creating a relationship with a prospective stepchild is much easier and less stressful for all concerned when a spouse is still thought of as a parent’s boyfriend or girlfriend than it is when you become a stepparent. If you already have children your partner needs to know and be able to embrace the fact, you come as a package deal.
Don’t Be Santa
A common mistake made by many stepparents-to-be is to shower their fiancé’s children with gifts in an attempt to buy their affections. The first issue is children know when someone is trying to purchase their love. They are savvy enough not to fall for the bait.
The second issue is that the child might start to expect gifts from you all the time and unless you’re Daddy Warbucks, this will eventually put a strain on your finances. Or even worse you contribute to the creation of a spoiled brat that expects to get everything they want.
Ultimately, you face the risk of not achieving your desired results and your stepchild-to-be might become resentful of your effort to bribe them for their love. The affection and hope of a stepchild come with taking time and effort to develop a real relationship with them – not from trying to push it onto them.
Take an Interest in Your Child
Among the best ways to connect with a brand new stepchild would be to have an interest in what interests them. If a child is not open about what they enjoy, a talk with the biological parent might offer a starting point. If a stepchild is interested in animals, a trip to the zoo might provide a wonderful opportunity for bonding.
Older children can be more difficult to pin down and there are fewer chances to bond together. Offering to help with homework or taking an interest in their favorite video game might not be the strongest of beginnings to a connection, but it is a beginning.
Involve the Child in Your Interests
While you’re taking an interest in your future stepchild’s interests, you could also involve your stepchild on your interests. A child already knows their biological parents and has had plenty of chances to get involved with them and their interests. Among the easiest ways to let a new stepchild to the life of their potential or new stepparent is to allow them to get involved in their interests.
By way of example, if the stepmom-to-be is part of a bowling league, the kids may not mind going to the bowling alley and get to watch or even take part in the game. At the same time, it’s important to make sure that the stepchild has to spend time with their biological parent.
In shared custody, your stepchildren will only get a limited amount of time to spend with all the biological parents. You should help make certain your stepchild keeps a healthy relationship with their biological mother and father.
The best gift you can give your new stepchild is time. Recall your stepchild is grieving the loss of their nuclear family. It will take time for them to get used to the fact their biological parents are no longer residing in the same home.
It takes at least two or three years before a stepparent can actually build what could be considered a healthy relationship with their stepchildren. This can be made easier if the future stepparent begins to connect with the child prior to the wedding.