The R Stands For Rivals - sneezycoffin (prettyboyblues) (2024)

Chapter 1: Scare The Moth Away

Chapter Text

With his screen smashed, body aching and a sore feeling in his throat, Vox slowly booted up his system only to realize he was not in his bedroom.

Not only was he not in his bedroom but he was not in the V Tower at all. Obviously this was concerning. As the files from the previous night loaded up in his memory card, Vox started to think about everything that could have happened after he’d passed out. Getting a beating from Val usually followed a few days of the silent treatment before they’d inevitably make up again. He had thought waking up in a complete stranger’s bed was more for Val’s whor*s, not him.

But Vox supposed it was only a matter of time before he was no better than any of them to Val.

Reaching down, Vox felt his sweater and pants, only missing his shoes. That was certainly more hopeful than any of the theories he’d had a few seconds ago. He reached down into his pocket to check for his phone, only to remember Val had smashed it.

But then again, who could he call? What would he say? ‘I don’t know where I am or how I got here, come and get me’? In fairness, his assistant could use GPS tracking. Not like he particularly wanted to get up right now.

When he logged into his phone history on his screen, Vox found 87 missed calls, 39 voicemails and 134 messages from Val and 15 missed video calls and 64 messages from Velvette. This puzzled him further; did they not know where he was either?

134 New messages from: Valentino
4 hours ago:
Don’t even come home then, I don’t care!!!
Baby I’m sorry okay pls come home Voxy
Where are you bitch?!!???
Ignore me, I don’t care. I can play that game.
3 hours ago:
Voxy I’m so worrief
Don’t be like this babyyyy
Babe.
Voxxyyy
Vox??!?!!
U really think you can run from me? Don’t think u didn’t deserve what happened, u think u can just leave me?

Vox groaned, switching to Vel’s messages, which seemed far less emotional.

64 New messages from: Velvette
15 hours ago:
WTF is happening?
val said u disappeared
where r u?
vox?
r u ok?
10 hours ago:
darling, u ok?
8 hours ago:
val’s going insane, pls come home
stay safe x

Vox smiled softly but was still perplexed as to how he even got to where he was right now. That’s when the door creaked and Vox’s blood ran cold.

“Finally awake, hmm?” An achingly familiar voice asked, Vox’s eyes widened as he glanced at a shadow on the wall that smiled at him.

“A-Alastor?” Vox questioned, his voice hoarse and his neck straining to look at the demon walking up to the foot of the bed.

Vox instantly started looking for exits, knowing this was probably a death sentence. Alastor had waited until he was vulnerable, took him to a remote location and was now planning to tear his soul apart and broadcast his screams for everyone including Val and Velvette to listen to.

“Yes. Long time no see, old pal,” Alastor grinned, his eyes slightly half-lidded and his cane between his fingers.

“Where the f-f*ck am I?” Vox asked in an accusatory tone, struggling to sit up in the bed.

“The Hazbin Hotel! This is my room, isn’t it marvelous?” Alastor beamed, waving his arm to a swamp directly connected to the room Vox was in. Vox would be lying if he said he didn’t think it was gorgeous.

He’d also be lying if he said Alastor wasn’t gorgeous. He looked the same as he had seven years ago, unlike Vox who’d changed his entire look about ten times by now. But Alastor remained timeless in his stupid raggedy suit and horrible haircut that Vox claimed he hated but desperately wanted to run his fingers through. Or pull on it.

Vox’s brain finally loaded up the information instead of focusing on Alastor’s looks. “The H-Hazbin Hotel?!” He exclaimed, throwing the cover off and scrambling out of bed.

“Hey now, what’s the rush? Where are you going?” Alastor asked, seemingly delighted at Vox’s agony as he fell onto the ground and tried to get up. He walked up to Vox and instead of pushing him back to the floor and beating the sh*t out of him, Alastor offered Vox his cane.

Refusing to accept help, Vox managed to get up on his own. He noticed bandages on his wrists and over his stomach, they were painful and tight.

“I’m going home,” Vox said coldly.

“Oh no you’re not,” Alastor replied simply.

“Excuse me?” Vox furrowed his eyebrows, one eye wider than the other.

“I dragged you all the way here, you could at least say thank you,” Alastor remarked, checking his nails sassily, grinning only wider.

“I didn’t ask for your ‘help’ and anyway, I know you didn’t drag me here out of the goodness of your heart. What do you want?” Vox interrogated, stepping closer to Alastor, who didn’t move away.

“Who said I wanted anything?” Alastor asked, catty as always.

“Oh cut the sh*t, Alastor,” Vox groaned. “I’m not in the mood.”

“No wonder, you did take a pretty big fall,” Alastor expressed offhandedly, Vox tried to understand what he was talking about but couldn’t.

“What?” Vox asked aggressively, as if it was Alastor’s fault Vox couldn’t remember.

“Did your pimp fellow beat the memory files out of you, too?” Alastor questioned and Vox balled his hands into fists as small sparks of electricity ran through them.

“What the f*ck are you talking about?” Vox asked, trying to remain composed because his heart hammering against his ribs hurt him tremendously, they were probably broken.

“My, my, you really don’t remember, do you?” Alastor said happily, walking around Vox, sizing him up.

“Remember what?”

“That your oh-so-lovely business partner threw you out off your balcony last night. Or should I say, this morning.”

Vox’s expression fell slightly.

What happened with him and Val behind closed doors was private. He refused to let anyone see him in that state other than Velvette. And Val usually understood this. But this time, he threw him off the balcony for all of hell to see how weak Vox was? This was a new low.

“You’re lucky I found you before the press did,” Alastor remarked, “In fact, only the people in the hotel know of your little situation.”

Vox was disappointed that he was so relieved at Alastor’s words. Like Alastor knew him better than his own business partner.

“Good. Then I can go,” Vox said, straightening his bowtie but wincing in pain from lifting his arms.

“Nope!” Alastor beamed, popping the P.

“f*ck you mean, nope?” Vox asked, his eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed as he threw his arm out, wincing again.

“This hotel is about helping people! I refuse to let a wretched sinner such as yourself leave in this condition,” Alastor shook his head and lifted a finger up to Vox’s screen.

“Oh go f*ck yourself, Alastor, I am not staying for ‘redemption’ or whatever,” Vox retorted, tutting and rolling his eyes.

“I know that’s not your style, but unfortunately I’m not letting you leave,” Alastor shrugged nonchalantly.

“I don’t need your goddamn permission!” Vox argued, “Who do you think I am?!”

“A man who got thrown off a balcony by a moth, dear. It’s embarrassing, even for you,” Alastor remarked snidely.

“I’m glad you find my pain entertaining, Alastor, but I am not staying here. So unless you wanna fight, I’m leaving,” Vox said, pushing past Alastor and limping towards the door.

Alastor didn’t bat an eye, he let Vox storm out and angrily stalk down the hallway and down the stairs, where everyone at the hotel was. Vox paused as they all looked at him.

Vox cleared his throat and put on a smile. “Morning, everyone.”

“It’s 3 PM,” Angel Dust quipped from the couch.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” Vox snapped, quickly understanding that was the wrong thing to say when the bartender and Charlie’s girlfriend glared at him.

“Yeah well Val chucked some chump off the balcony, so I got a day off,” Angel shrugged, Vox narrowed his eyes at him.

“Angel, don’t be rude,” Charlie remarked worriedly, “How are you feeling, Mr Vox?” She asked, walking up to him, looking at his cracked screen.

“I’m feeling great, I was just leaving,” Vox replied when a shadow appeared in front of him next to Charlie and manifested into Alastor.

“Vox, how about you stay? We have wonderful activities planned for today,” Alastor remarked, waving his arm out towards the other demons, some of whom narrowed their eyes at him. Except for the little bug demon sitting on the bar who was practically frothing at the mouth with excitement as she stared at Vox.

“No, thanks,” Vox replied, “Thank you for the very warm welcome, but I really do have to get going.”

“But Mr Vox, are you sure? It’s really no bother! We love to have new people at the hotel!” Charlie beamed, putting her hands together.

“I…I have to get home,” Vox repeated, walking past Charlie and her puppy dog eyes. “Have a good day, everyone,” He nodded as he walked towards the door when he heard a voice.

“Morning everyone!” Lucifer exclaimed, stretching his arms. Vox looked back at him and so did everyone else.

“It’s 3 PM, dad,” Charlie remarked.

“Who’s this guy?” Lucifer asked, looking at Vox, “Didn’t think we’d be getting a new TV! Hahaha,” He joked but no one else laughed. “Yeah…you’re right, scrambles the brain,” He added awkwardly.

“My name is Vox, your majesty,” Vox introduced himself, “I was just leaving.”

“Vox? Is that Latin?! I miss Latin,” Lucifer remarked and everyone continued looking at him. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Not at all!” Alastor expressed, “It’s just that Vox here was thrown off a balcony last night.”

“Alastor!” Charlie exclaimed.

“You know what, Alastor? Throwing you off a balcony wouldn’t be enough, throwing you off your ego would do much more damage,” Vox stated angrily, walking towards Alastor, who just grinned.

“Well, Vox, if I were to throw you off your delusions, I’m sure you’d end up in double hell,” Alastor quipped back.

“The f*ck is that supposed to mean?”

“You know exactly what it’s supposed to mean,” Alastor grinned bitterly and leaned closer.

“f*ck you,” Vox said through gritted teeth.

“I’m sure you’d love to,” Alastor replied.

“Oh, Alastor, you always know what to say to make me har–”

“Okay!” Charlie exclaimed, clapping her hands and pulling Alastor away from Vox.

“Woah, that’s a lot of tension,” Lucifer remarked, pointing his cane between Vox and Alastor.

“They’ve been rivals for longer than I’ve been in hell,” The bartender expressed.

“Ooo, rivals!” The little bug exclaimed, giggling.

“Don’t, Niff,” The bartender shook his head.

“Glad we cleared that up,” Vox interjected, “But you know, gotta run.”

“Not on that leg,” Alastor replied.

“Mr Vox, what’s the rush? You can stay, have a drink and something to eat, Niffty and Husk will be glad to help,” Charlie expressed, waving a hand to the bar, where Husk looked mildly annoyed and Niffty chuckled darkly.

“I’m fine, thanks,” Vox said, shaking his head.

“Don’t worry, Charlie, it’s not personal. He’s just desperate to get back to his pissy business partner,” Alastor remarked, waving a dismissive hand. “Maybe apologize for being in the way when he was throwing things off the balcony.”

Alastor always knew how to push Vox’s buttons, how to annoy the f*ck out of him. Short circuiting, Vox bared his teeth and balled his hands into fists again. “Don’t act like you have any idea what you’re talking about.” Vox’s voice was dangerous and glitchy.

The demons around him looked a little concerned, except for Alastor, who just continued grinning, knowing he was getting exactly what he wanted.

“Don’t act like you’re not scared of him,” Alastor replied, narrowing his eyes.

Scared? Vox wasn’t scared. He was far more powerful than Val, and he was not one of his whor*s that he could scare into submission. Vox was different, Vox was the exception.

But maybe the reason why Vox was so angry was because in the back of his mind, he knew Alastor was right.

“Scared? Don’t make me laugh, if I was scared I wouldn’t be going back,” Vox snapped back and this made Alastor laugh, cruel and cold. Everyone seemed uncomfortable.

“Now that’s comedy!” Alastor chuckled, wiping a tear from his eye.

“It’s not comedy!” Vox exclaimed like a child throwing a tantrum.

“You are delusional, Vox!” Alastor replied, continuing to laugh.

“Be easy on him, Al, he still thinks he’s better than the rest of us,” Angel piped up from the couch.

“Oh, please, I’m not one of his whor*s, I’m his business partner, I am better than you,” Vox snapped back, slightly regretting it when he started to get angry looks again. Angel narrowed his eyes and stood up.

“You think I wasn’t? When I signed that contract, I was his star, I had privileges,” He started, hands on his hips, “I thought I was so much better than everyone else but turns out even if his favorite toy f*cks up, he’ll throw them to the curb.”

“He can’t afford to do that to me,” Vox defended weakly, trying to seem calm and collected despite knowing Angel was probably right.

“He did. And you’re still going back,” Angel shrugged, “Ya not special, dollface.”

It cut like a knife to think that Vox was in the same position as Angel Dust. Someone he’d ridiculed and mocked for years, hated and wanted gone, was so jealous of despite never admitting it. And here he was now, getting schooled by someone he thought was below him.

“Wait this is the same guy?” Lucifer chimed in, “What’s his name?”

“Valentino,” Angel, Vox, Alastor and Charlie said simultaneously, all with varying degrees of disgust.

“f*cking dickhe*d,” Angel’s friend, Cherri Bomb, piped up from the couch.

“And why is he allowed to do this stuff?” Lucifer questioned. It seemed like a stupid, obvious question but everyone exchanged glances, not knowing where to start.

“I’ve uh…tried to reason with him. But it only made things…worse,” Charlie admitted guiltily, “Sorry Angel,” She added quietly.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, babe,” Angel replied.

“No offense, Char Char, but is reason really the best solution? Who does this guy think he is anyway?” Lucifer asked and Vox opened his mouth to speak before closing it again.

“You know what? You’re right! Which is a rare occurrence for you,” Alastor started, Lucifer furrowed his eyebrows at him, “How about I go and take out the trash?”

“Excuse me?” Vox replied.

“You heard me! I can’t have some nobody terrorizing the patrons of my hotel,” Alastor remarked, placing a hand on his chest.

“Nobody? Val is not a nobody–”

“I don’t think we should get involved!” Charlie exclaimed.

“Not get involved? You know what, Charlie, how about I go and have a talk with him. Can’t trust Alastor with anything, amiright?” Lucifer expressed, chuckling as Alastor’s eye started twitching.

“What do you mean by ‘a talk’?” Angel questioned.

Lucifer’s face went dark and his smile widened as he said, “A talk.” And cracked his knuckles.

“No one is talking to Val,” Vox said definitively when, as if on cue, Val called him. Vox slightly panicked, waving his hands around. Alastor reached over and tapped the ‘decline call’ button. “Why did you do that?!”

“You said no one’s talking to him!” Alastor defended.

“Well now he knows I declined the f*cking call!” Vox exclaimed.

“Is that a…bad thing?” Lucifer questioned.

“Yes, it’s a bad thing,” Angel answered.

“Let’s all calm down and think about this rationally!” Charlie interjected as Vox and Alastor started a staring competition, Vox short circuiting as he glared at the demon.

“Wait, wait, wait, so just to get this clear, we can’t kill him?” Lucifer asked, looking up at everyone.

“No–” Vox started,

“Well…” Angel put a finger up to his lips,

“No!” Vox exclaimed,

“Why not?” Lucifer asked,

“No.”

“He threw you off a balcony. You’ve wanted to kill me for less,” Alastor remarked sassily.

“And for some reason, you’re still here,” Vox retorted annoyedly, folding his arms and wincing because – news flash – his ribs were still broken.

“What if we did kill him?” A voice asked and everyone turned towards Charlie’s girlfriend, who was sitting on a loveseat.

“I’m sorry, are all of you insane? Got the rush of beating the angels and suddenly you wanna go on a killing spree?!” Vox asked, throwing his arms out, which still hurt, unsurprisingly. “What’s your name, by the way?” Vox added, a little more calm.

“Vaggie. I mean, I’ve been saying this for months,” Vaggie shrugged.

“We are not killing anyone.” Charlie shook her head.

“Fine. We’ll just continue letting him throw people off balconies and raping our residents,” Vaggie rolled her eyes.

“I’m sorry, this guy’s a rapist, too?!” Lucifer asked, concerned.

Cherri Bomb stood up and went to Angel’s side protectively.

“Is that really that surprising?” Alastor questioned. “Vox, can you confirm?” He turned to Vox smugly.

“He’s…” Vox glanced at Angel, who looked annoyed and uncomfortable, “Yeah, he is.”

“Let’s kill him,” Lucifer offered.

“Or…” Vaggie started, standing up and walking up to Angel and Charlie, “We could scare him.”

“I can do that,” Lucifer nodded happily.

“I can as well,” Alastor remarked, checking his nails, “Just saying, he’s quite tall so…I’m sure it’ll take a lot to intimidate him.”

“You’re saying I can’t intimidate some pervert?” Lucifer asked, offended.

“I’m saying that maybe I’ll do a better job,” Alastor said, leaning down to speak to Lucifer.

“This is good! You two can go together,” Vaggie beamed. Vox, Alastor, Lucifer, and Charlie looked at her like she was crazy.

“I’m not allowing this,” Vox said, shaking his head, “But who’s listening to me, right?”

“People usually listen to you?” Alastor asked, Vox smiled sarcastically.

“You don’t think he’ll be intimidated by the King of Hell and the scariest overlord in hell?” Vaggie asked Vox.

“Okay, Alastor is not the scariest overlord in hell,” Vox retorted, then looked back at Alastor, who snapped his head as his eyes went black. Vox took a step back, “I just don’t think you should start a war with Val, it’s not worth it.”

“Well I think it is. Because I’m done dealing with his bullsh*t, okay?” Angel said, folding both pairs of arms.

“That’s right, Angie!” Cherri Bomb exclaimed supportively, elbowing his side.

“He still has you under contract! This is way more dangerous than any of you realize,” Vox warned.

Then, Husk piped up from the bar, “He’s right. But we did f*ck those angels up. In my humble opinion, you should go for it. Take Niff with you.”

“Niffty, do you want new wings for your collection?” Angel asked, smiling as he crouched down to talk to Niffty, who scurried up to him.

“Yes!” Niffty giggled evilly, pulling out a needle.

“f*ck him up for us, yeah?” Cherri Bomb beamed at the bug.

Vox was at a complete loss. He didn’t know what to do because he knew they were right. He had a horrible thought that maybe Angel Dust was much stronger than he was, because Vox wasn’t ready to go against Val like that. But Vox wasn’t weak. And if Val was going to treat him in any way similar to how he treated Angel – Vox was done.

“I’ll come with you. You’re right. I’ve killed demons for less,” Vox decided.

“I don’t know if that’s good or bad…” Charlie remarked, “But he’s had it coming.”

“That’s right, babe. Operation: asustar a la polilla is a-go,” Vaggie grinned, putting her hand to her fist.

Language detected: Spanish. Scare the moth away.

Chapter 2: Divorce Selfie!

Chapter Text

About 76 missed calls later, Vox, Lucifer, Alastor and Niffty were getting ready to head to the V Tower. It seemed more like a camping trip than an operation to scare Val into giving up Angel’s soul and letting Vox stay at the hotel – which Vox was still on the fence about considering this decision was made two hours ago and was going to change his entire afterlife.

“Okay, let’s go over the plan again,” Charlie said, putting her hands together seriously.

Vox pulled up his sleeves and started going over the plan, “Lucifer teleports us to my room, from there I’ll go and tell Velvette about the plan. Alastor disables all the cameras and distracts the paparazzi. Angel calls Val and tells him to go to my room, where Lucifer and Niffty will be waiting. Alastor and I will go back and explain the conditions of our new deal–”

“A deal?!” Charlie exclaimed, “Don’t make a deal with him!”

“Don’t worry, dear! It’s a precautionary deal, in case he decides to act up,” Alastor explained. Charlie reluctantly nodded.

“Okay, are we ready to go?” Lucifer asked, dusting off his finest suit.

“Born ready,” Vox smirked. Lucifer opened the portal, offering Vox to go in first, then hopping in before Alastor, who had Niffty on his shoulders as he went in last and the portal closed. “Vel and I shouldn’t be long.”

“Take your time, I’m hungry for paparazzi,” Alastor said, waving his arm.

“You’re disgusting,” Vox replied.

“Agreed,” Lucifer chimed in.

“Do I get to stab them?” Niffty asked excitedly, leaning on Alastor’s head.

“Of course, dear!” Alastor beamed.

“Make sure you don’t get any of Vel’s models, she’ll kill me,” Vox warned. He took a deep breath and teleported into Velvette’s studio.

“Are you f*cking kidding me? That is the ugliest dress I have ever seen. Do you think retro means your nan’s outfit from 1976? NO!” Velvette yelled at a designer and Vox beamed, waiting for her to notice him.

Her eyes widened the moment she did. “f*ck off,” Velvette snapped at the designer, who was already in tears. “Vox, oh my god, do you know how long we looked for you? Your GPS was going haywire, I think the drones went down to Greed!” she exclaimed, stomping towards Vox. Velvette noticed the damage done, looking over his cracked screen and bandages. “Valentino didn’t tell me it was this bad…” She mumbled, taking his hand and looking at the bandage. “These are dirty, where the f*ck were you?”

“Velvette, as much as I’d love to sit and chat, I'm actually here to cut my ties with Val,” Vox explained, glancing up at the cameras, which were surrounded by green symbols and black smoke.

“What?” Velvette asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

“I know it’s sudden, but I really can’t deal with this anymore,” Vox admitted, a little hesitant to be vulnerable in fear that Velvette would tell him to get over it.

But Velvette did the complete opposite, shocking him. “Oh, finally.”

“What?” Vox asked, not expecting that reaction.

“Are you gonna kill him?” Velvette questioned, ignoring Vox’s inquiry.

“No, but I have some help with threatening him,” Vox replied, Velvette smiled excitedly.

“Good. Glad you’re getting over your delusions, girl,” She beamed. “Where are you going to be staying?”

“Well uh…The Hazbin Hotel…?” Vox said unsurely, Velvette raised her eyebrows.

“With the Radio Demon? And Angel Dust? You must have hit your big ass head really hard,” Velvette remarked, looking over Vox’s screen again.

“Thanks,” Vox replied sarcastically, “I think it’s a better situation than a piss baby who throws me off of balconies.”

“Good on you, then,” Velvette shrugged.

“The thing is, Vel, we’ll be disbanding the Vees, then. So you have a decision to make–”

“You.”

“I didn’t finish–”

“You want me to choose between you and Valentino? I choose you,” Velvette announced simply. “Call me when you’re done threatening him. I’ll get someone to bring our things to the hotel,” she said, blowing him a kiss and walking off.

Vox opened his mouth to speak but just stood in stunned silence. “That’s my girl,” He decided to whisper finally before teleporting back to his room.

Upon teleporting in, he saw Valentino tied up in a chair looking a little bored, Lucifer and Alastor bickering on the other side of the room as Niffty kept an eye on Val, giggling manically, covered in blood.

“I see we’re getting straight to business?” Vox asked, raising an eyebrow at Val, who tried to speak but there was a cloth in his mouth stopping him.

“Took you long enough,” Lucifer said, “You didn’t tell me he liked being threatened.”

“Yeah, bondage is kind of his specialty,” Vox replied, “At least Alastor didn’t use his tentacles.”

“I’ve learned my lesson from last time!” Alastor exclaimed, looking very traumatized, remembering their fight years ago. Valentino mumbled something indecipherable when Vox walked up and took the cloth out of his mouth.

“Thank you, Voxy,” Val smiled, “This is a nice surprise, did I miss an anniversary?”

“No,” Vox replied, “We’re here to threaten you.”

“You would be dead by now if we weren’t nice, freak,” Lucifer remarked, pointing a finger at him.

“Very nice, your majesty,” Val smiled.

“Listen, let’s make this quick. I’m leaving you. Forever. And so is Vel. And we want Angel Dust’s soul, too,” Vox explained and Val started laughing.

“I’m sorry, you think you can just leave? And take Angel? No, baby, that’s not how it works,” Val said, shaking his head.

“Did he stutter?” Alastor asked, co*cking his head to the side and snapping his neck.

“You don’t need to do the creepy face on me, honey, you’re getting Angel over my dead body,” Val said, then turned to Vox, who was already exhausted from this conversation, the pain in his chest tighter, “And I think we both know you’re too puss* for that, Voxy.”

Vox grabbed Val’s face and sent an electric shock through his body, “You think you can call me a puss* after what you did?” Vox asked, realizing he was already losing his energy and wasn’t nearly strong enough for this, pain sending shockwaves through his frame.

“Mmm, is that all you got?” Val moaned.

“Vox, don’t bother. We’ll have to resort to plan B,” Alastor piped up, “Niffty, take the wings,” he ordered, to which Niffty happily complied, scurrying up the back of the chair and grabbing one of Val’s wings.

“Woah, woah, no! What the f*ck?! Crazy f*cking bitch, stop!” Val struggled, trying to move away as she giggled and started tearing it. Val shrieked, Vox could barely listen to it.

“Do you listen to people when they tell you to stop, buddy?” Lucifer questioned.

“VOXY, TELL HER TO STOP!” Val screamed.

“Niffty, stop,” Vox said, she looked up at him with her big eye, blinking a few times before climbing off. “Val, I’m not joking. I’m leaving.”

“No you’re not,” Val snapped, “We have a contract, you can’t just leave. You’re mine, Voxy–”

Before Val could finish his sentence, sounds of wendigo screeching filled the room as Alastor’s bones started snapping and growing to twice his usual size.

“Do you forget who you’re talking to, Valentino?” Alastor asked, his voice echoing off the walls, “You are speaking to an overlord who can kill you at a snap of his fingers! His patience for your games is wearing thin.”

Vox didn’t expect Alastor to defend him like that, especially after so many decades of rivalry. So many years that they spent bickering and fighting but always calling it quits before any of them got too badly hurt. There was always mutual respect between them as much as Vox tried to deny it.

This seemed to work, Val’s expression of anger replaced by concern. Vox pulled out his and Val’s contract, looking over his own name scrawled in golden ink.

“Goodbye, Val.” Vox lifted the piece of paper as it emitted into blue flames and Val’s eyes widened with horror.

Alastor turned back to his usual form, standing beside Lucifer, who had his arms folded protectively.

“I’ll take the others,” Lucifer said. Vox, Alastor and Val looked at him as he conjured the thousands of contracts from Val.

“No, no, no, no!” Val screamed, “You can’t do that!”

“And you can use these people? Don’t think so,” Lucifer remarked, ripping the contracts to shreds and throwing them up into the air, where they evaporated into golden dust.

“Oh my god…” Vox mumbled.

“WHAT THE f*ck?!” Val yelled, tears glimmering in his eyes, glowing red.

“Oops,” Lucifer shrugged.

“We’ll be on our way,” Alastor beamed, polishing his monocle as Lucifer conjured a portal back to the hotel. The door swung open and Velvette burst in.

“Everyone’s going insane! All of Val’s–” Velvette started before she noticed Lucifer, Alastor, Vox and Val. “f*ck yeah!” She exclaimed. “Divorce selfie!”

Vox grinned when Velvette pulled out her phone, Niffty decided to rip into Val’s wing again and he screamed as Velvette snapped a pic.

“You coming with us, Vel?” Vox asked, offering his arm.

“Duh!” She linked their arms and the five of them headed into the portal, Niffty keeping a piece of Val’s wing as a prize.

Upon entering, they were greeted with cheers.

“All of Val’s contracts are gone, it’s all over social media!” Angel exclaimed.

“I don’t mean to brag but I do have a few tricks up my sleeve,” Lucifer remarked, fixing his bowtie.

“You did it!” Charlie beamed, throwing herself at Lucifer, hugging him. She then did the same with Alastor and finally, Vox.

Vox was too shocked to hug back at first, also because it hurt like a bitch but eventually wrapped his arms around her. Charlie smiled at him when she let go.

Clearing his throat, Vox wrapped an arm around Velvette, who kept taking selfies of the hotel.

“Everyone, this is Velvette. Could she stay here with me?” Vox asked. Charlie’s eyes went wide and she smacked her hands to her cheeks.

“Of course! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!” Charlie exclaimed.

“Thanks, babe,” Velvette replied, face buried in her phone.

“Velvette,” Vox scolded – Velvette tutted as she looked up.

“Thank you so much,” She said with a slightly sarcastic smile.

“So how did it go?” Angel asked excitedly, glancing down at Niffty, who was admiring the piece of Val’s wing she took.

“Better than I expected,” Vox remarked.

“We should do shots to celebrate!” Cherri Bomb exclaimed and everyone cheered in agreement.

“Shots, shots, shots!” Niffty yelled, throwing her arms up in the air, giggling manically.

“Virgin shots for you, Niff,” Charlie smiled, leading everyone over to the bar.

Vox fixed his bowtie as he walked with Velvette, and although he had many emotions, he was happy. Outside, the sky was slowly starting to darken to a fiery ruby as Husk poured each of them shots and Charlie made a small toast.

“To our new guests!” Charlie exclaimed, “And for the freedom of our old ones,” She beamed at Angel, who smiled coyly.

“Woo!” Cherri yelled and they all clinked their shots together before downing them. Burning Vox’s throat, it made him feel more alive than he had felt in a while. He wanted to get hammered and relish this feeling until he had to deal with the press the next day.

A few shots later, the hotel split off into groups of chatter, Velvette impressing the girls with a loud conversation, Husk congratulating Angel with an air of flirtiness, Niffty running around killing bugs and Vox sitting at the bar beside Alastor and Lucifer, none of whom were speaking. Jazz played through the speakers quietly and Vox could hear Alastor tapping along on his glass of whiskey.

Vox had a mojito in front of him, sipping it lazily through a straw. Lucifer had a glass of water, which he just looked at instead of drinking.

“Don’t you think we make a pretty good team?” Vox finally broke the silence between the three of them. Lucifer and Alastor both looked at him before bursting into laughter.

“Us? A team?” Lucifer cackled.

“Oh, Vox, in your dreams!” Alastor waved a dismissive arm as he laughed.

“Of course,” Vox replied, smirking slightly, “I’m just saying, if I ever end up dating a psychopath again, I’ll know who to call.”

The two calmed down slightly. “I’ll make sure you don’t date,” Alastor remarked, a sinister air surrounding his words.

“Is that a threat?” Vox grinned, looking at Alastor with a twinkle of a challenge in his eye.

“It’s whatever you interpret it to be,” Alastor replied, shrugging as he took a sip of whiskey.

“Wait…hold on…do I know you from anywhere?” Lucifer asked Vox out of the blue.

Both Vox and Alastor looked at him with a similar expression of confusion. “I just remembered I’ve seen you somewhere before,” Lucifer continued.

“Well, I’m CEO of VoxTek,” Vox remarked, Lucifer still looked confused, “I own social media companies? Voxtagram?” Vox kept going when Lucifer made no mention of remembering him, “Billboards? Magazines? Overlord meetings?”

“He’s on the television, Lucifer,” Alastor interjected and Lucifer suddenly opened his mouth in recognition.

“Seriously? You remember me from TV? And you didn’t think of that?” Vox asked, a little offended that he wasn’t the most recognisable face on TV. He didn’t even think Lucifer watched TV.

“Well I don’t watch much TV, it’ll make your eyes turn square! Or in your case, your head,” Lucifer joked and Alastor laughed before quickly regaining his composure.

“That wasn’t funny, very observational humor,” Alastor remarked, sipping on his whiskey sassily.

“Oh yeah because jokes about my height aren’t observational,” Lucifer retorted, folding his arms angrily.

“Punching up and punching down, Lucifer, are you really going to bully this poor picture box after he broke up with his pathetic excuse for a boyfriend?” Alastor asked and if Vox didn’t know better, he would have thought Alastor was being nice – but no, he was mocking him.

“For your information, I’m not poor. I’m actually ranked the richest overlord in hell,” Vox expressed, straightening his back to be taller than Alastor.

“Ranked where? On a website you created?” Alastor questioned and Vox wanted to argue but in fairness, it was his website.

“Well at least I can afford a good barber,” Vox shrugged.

“You don’t need a barber, baldy!” Alastor exclaimed, rubbing the top of Vox’s screen.

“I mean, he does have a point though. If you ever need a recommendation, I can ask Carmilla for her stylist. That haircut isn’t doing you any favors, buddy,” Lucifer remarked, pointing at the back of Alastor’s head, to which Alastor snapped his neck towards Lucifer, who chuckled quietly.

“Who are you calling baldy, Al? Have you seen the back of your head lately?” Vox asked.

“I am not taking fashion advice from the likes of you two. How long have you had to pick out a better outfit? Ten thousand years?” Alastor remarked, pointing at Lucifer’s outfit, “And you had your screen replaced for thousands and it’s still just as easily breakable.”

There was a slight pause before Lucifer mumbled, “You should replace your teeth, man.” And Vox started laughing, Lucifer chuckling along with him. Alastor scoffed and jumped off the stool.

“Aw, Alastor, don’t go! We’re just messing around! C’mon, don’t be a sore loser!” Vox exclaimed after him but Alastor was already gone. Vox and Lucifer continued chuckling before getting embarrassed and falling back into silence.

“Well, I better head to bed before it gets too wild, you know?” Lucifer remarked awkwardly.

“Good night,” Vox smiled softly.

“Nighty, night, Nox,” Lucifer waved as he hopped off his stool. Vox had to bite his tongue to not get annoyed.

Overall, Vox didn’t know whether he was looking forward to staying at the hotel or not.

Chapter 3: Shark Tank

Chapter Text

“Welcome to our very first activity as a big group!!! Isn’t this so exciting?” Charlie beamed from up on a stage as everyone else sat in front of her.

The only people paying her attention were Vaggie and Alastor while Velvette and Vox were on their phones, Angel and Cherri were whispering to each other as if no one would notice, Niffty was furiously cleaning the stage, Husk was guzzling out of a bottle looking insanely bored and Lucifer was nowhere to be found.

“I said, isn't that exciting?!” Charlie exclaimed louder to get everyone’s attention and it didn’t work because all she got back was a half-hearted and monotone:

“Yeah.”

“¡Todos! Pay attention!” Vaggie yelled and this seemed to work, distracting everyone from their respective activities and made them look up at Charlie.

“Thanks, babe,” Charlie smiled, “Alright, who’s ready for trust falls?”

There was a collective groan.

“Vox fell off a balcony two nights ago, are we really gonna make him relive that trauma?” Velvette remarked and Vox rolled his eyes.

“Correction! He was thrown off–” Alastor tried to butt in but Vox interrupted him,

“Can we please move on from that?”

“Okay, I can see how trust falls might not be the best idea,” Charlie remarked, “How about we go up on stage and give ourselves a little introduction for everyone who doesn’t know us?”

“Everyone knows Velvette and Vox, they’re like the most famous people in hell,” Cherri expressed, raising one eyebrow.

“Remember what we said about parasocial relationships, Cherri?” Charlie said.

“Yeah, I don’t even know her, she acts like we’re best friends or something,” Angel joked, getting elbowed in the side for it.

“We’re sharing fun facts about ourselves! Vox, you’re up!” Charlie exclaimed, looking like she was running out of patience.

“Alright,” Vox shrugged, getting up and fixing his bowtie before hopping up on stage and putting on a smile like he was presenting for TV. “You may not know this about me, but I own shares in all companies in hell, even the ones in Sloth.”

“Boo!” Angel yelled, “Tomato, tomato!”

“Yeah, Vox, fun facts about ourselves, not work,” Charlie said, offering him a reassuring smile.

“Uh…right, of course,” Vox nodded, “Fun fact about me.”

“You really have to think about that one, don’t you? Just say you don’t have a personality,” Alastor quipped.

“Oh go f*ck yourself. Fine, a fun fact about me is that I f*cking hate radio,” Vox snapped, “It’s a stupid medium and should die out.”

“That’s not about you either,” Vaggie remarked boredly.

“Jesus f*cking Christ, Vox, stop embarrasing yourself,” Velvette chimed and Vox groaned.

“Okay, okay. My favorite film is American Psycho, is that good?” Vox said, exasperated.

“That’s great!” Charlie beamed, giving him a thumbs up.

“Of course it is,” Alastor rolled his eyes.

“Why don’t you go f*cking kill yourself–”

“Velvette, your turn!” Charlie exclaimed. Velvette smirked and hopped up on stage, putting her hands on her hips.

“There’s so many things I could say, I’m a renaissance woman of my time but if I could only say one thing I suppose I’d say that I have a hidden talent in netball, I was on the A team at school,” Velvette announced proudly, “I played Centre.”

“No one knows what that means, Vel,” Vox remarked.

“It means I was the best,” Velvette grinned, jumping off the stage.

“Of course, dear,” Vox chuckled.

“Who wants to go next?” Charlie asked and everyone held their breath in order to not get picked, “Angel?”

Angel grinned as he walked up on stage, “My fun fact is that fifty years ago, I sold my soul to a crazy son of a bitch I thought loved me. But today, for the first time in…uh…maybe forever, I woke up sober and with my soul intact!” Angel exclaimed happily and everyone bursted into cheers as he fell off the stage into Husk’s arms.

“It’s not a f*ckin’ trust fall!” Husk exclaimed, barely managing to catch him.

“Oops,” Angel shrugged.

“Great! We’re all very happy for you, Angel,” Charlie beamed, “Alastor, how about you go up?”

“Yeah, show off that charming personality of yours,” Vox cooed sarcastically.

Alastor stalked up onto the stage, bumping his microphone before speaking into it.

“It’s not often that I share fun facts about myself, so you all should feel honored,” He started and Vox rolled his eyes. “There was a time that Vox and I were fighting, I don’t even remember when, it’s happened so many times! And I managed to get my teeth on his–”

“Alastor!” Charlie interrupted and everyone turned to glare at Vox, even Velvette.

“My arm! He took a bite out of my arm,” Vox clarified.

“What did you think I was going to say?” Alastor questioned, looking at everyone with disgust.

“It sounded like you sucked his dick,” Angel remarked, still comfortably draped in Husk’s lap.

“With his teeth?” Vox asked in horror.

“I don’t know the kind of sh*t you’re into,” Angel shrugged.

“Well anyway, he tasted disgusting! Angels taste much better,” Alastor continued, looking wistfully off to the distance like he was remembering the good times.

“That we do, raowrrr,” Angel grinned at Husk, who just rolled his eyes.

“But have any of you tried venison? Oh, some good venison is just what the doc prescribed! I’m getting hungry just thinking about it,” Alastor said dreamily.

“Enough out of you. Who’s up next?” Vaggie asked.

As if on cue, Lucifer strolled into the room.

“Dad! We’re sharing fun facts about ourselves, do you want to share?” Charlie questioned excitedly. Lucifer looked like he was caught, raising his eyebrows.

Vox couldn’t lie, he really wanted to know more about the King of Hell, he seemed like a complete mystery so far. Was the most powerful demon in all of hell really just an adorable, awkward guy who liked ducks? There must have been many secrets he was hiding.

“Oh, well– sure, Charlie. If you’ll excuse me, I haven’t fully woken up yet, haha,” Lucifer said, jumping up onto the stage. “Fun fact, huh? I can do this!” He said before disappearing in a cloud of smoke with a little poof! And reappearing as a white and red Pale Catshark, swimming in a little tank.

Vox’s eyes went wide and his mouth fell open. Pale Catsharks were some of the smallest sharks in the world, only about 9 inches in size (which isn’t that small but compared to other sharks, very much so). They had little spots on their back, but Lucifer’s were red instead of the usual pale blue the sharks in the living world sported. Lucifer grinned at everyone and reappeared again as himself, the shark evaporating as well.

“Cool, right?” Lucifer asked.

“I don't think that's a fun fact about yourself, dad,” Charlie remarked, “You’re showing off.”

“Mox liked it,” Lucifer shrugged, pointing at Vox, who was still awestruck.

“It’s Vox,” Velvette corrected, “Vox? You good?” She snapped her fingers in front of him.

He quickly regained reality and blinked a few times, “Oh yeah, I’ve just never seen a Pale Catshark in person, they’re very rare, even in the living world.”

“You like sharks?” Charlie asked.

“Are you joking? Have you seen his bedroom? He’s moved all of his sharks here already, the whole room is a f*cking aquarium,” Velvette remarked, an air of fondness to the insult.

“That could’ve been your fun fact!” Charlie said, a little disappointed.

“It’s not really that big a deal,” Vox dismissed, waving his hand. He was lying, it was a huge deal. He loved sharks since he was little. He had shark autism, probably the reason he was diagnosed in the first place. When he was a kid, he used to read about sharks in books, seeing them more as a mythical creature rather than a real life occurrence – when he moved to the city and went to an aquarium for the first time, he could barely look away. Every time things got bad, he’d go there and look at the sharks.

Sharks didn’t judge the way he looked, the way he dressed or presented himself. Sharks couldn’t insult him, fire him or hit him. The sharks were just happy to see him. But he was so much happier to see them.

“He’s downplaying, Vox is obsessed with sharks,” Alastor chimed in.

“I saw what you did with the room, thought you’d like it,” Lucifer grinned, hopping off the stage.

“You did that for me?” Vox asked, not helping the smile creeping onto his face but he quickly cleared his throat and stopped, “Thanks.”

“No problem, buddy,” Lucifer smiled, shooting Vox finger guns.

“Oh he’s ‘buddy’ now?” Alastor asked, raising an eyebrow, “Can’t remember a three letter name? You should go to the doctor, Lucifer, dementia is a grave illness.”

“Who are you?” Lucifer questioned sassily, “Why are you speaking to me?”

“Charlie, your father’s gone off the deep end. You should put him in a home,” Alastor suggested and Velvette snorted.

“No one is putting anyone in a home,” Charlie remarked tiredly.

“I think the three of you would get along great in a nursing home,” Velvette remarked, not looking up from her phone.

“The f*ck did I do?” Vox asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“You know I love you, gramps, but it’s time to go,” Velvette said, looking up at Vox with fake sincerity.

“Those two are so much older than me!” Vox defended, pointing at Lucifer and Alastor, who were sitting on two chairs a few feet apart like they were in marriage counseling.

“I’m not even old enough to be your father,” Alastor shook his head, giving Vox a limp-wristed gesture.

Lucifer decided to chime in, “Well I’m old enough to be your great-great-great-great-great–”

“We get the idea, dad,” Charlie interrupted, putting a hand up to shut her father up.

“I keep forgetting he’s the actual Devil,” Velvette remarked.

“Same! He’s so chill,” Cherri added.

“You really think so?” Lucifer asked, tears glimmering in his eyes.

The activity was quickly forgotten as they got into a conversation about how ‘chill’ Lucifer was, Alastor looking annoyed and bored the whole time.

“Is anyone else feeling starved?!” Alastor interrupted the conversation after about 15 minutes of listening, “I barely managed to get through breakfast, I would love some gumbo! Vox, I know you love my gumbo!”

“I would say I tolerate it,” Vox corrected, though it was a total lie. While Vox would burn himself cooking a damn microwave dinner, Alastor was an amazing chef; and for a heartless motherf*cker, his meals never lacked love.

“I’ll call you all when it’s ready,” Alastor remarked, shooting Vox a look with narrowed eyes. They maintained eye contact as Alastor walked out of the room.

“Am I the only one who really wants to know what happened between those two?” Lucifer remarked quietly, as if Vox couldn’t hear him.

“You don’t wanna know,” Husk replied, shaking his head gravely.

“It’s complicated,” Velvette chimed,

“And sad,” Angel added, “Pathetic, even.”

“Okay, no one asked,” Vox said angrily, folding his arms.

“See what I mean?” Angel grinned, waving an arm to Vox.

“I asked,” Lucifer shrugged.

And it went on and on without any actual information about Vox and Alastor’s relationship being shared. Soon enough, Alastor beckoned everyone to the dining room, where everyone was very excited to try his gumbo, clearly he’d cooked for them before considering their reactions. The only people who pretended not to be impressed were Vox and Lucifer.

But upon that first scorching bite of gumbo, Vox felt himself becoming sick to the stomach. Not because it was bad, it was amazing. But because he was suddenly transported back seven years, after nearly losing a huge fight to Alastor, with his screen shattered and his ego even more so, Vox sat in Alastor’s living room blowing on some gumbo before scarfing it down, licking his lips and ignoring Alastor’s gloating.

Vox had already been partnered with Val for years, but not particularly wanting to go home because he knew the asshole would ridicule him for losing.

Clearly, Alastor had sensed this and invited him back to his apartment for leftovers, making some remarks about how Vox didn’t know what good food tasted like, he was too skinny, he ate too much junk food etc etc.

So there they were, two rivals sitting in a living room after beating the sh*t out of each other and making playful jabs at one another, laughing and pretending like they were old friends, though they hadn’t been friends for over 40 years.

“I’m feeling a little under the weather, everyone. I apologize. I’ll be in my room,” Vox announced, leaving the gumbo unfinished as he stood up.

“Is there anything you need?” Charlie asked, concerned.

“Thank you, dear. I’ll be fine,” Vox replied, leaving the room with Alastor’s eyes boring into the back of his head.

Vox teleported to his room and took a deep breath, looking into his shark tank.

“Hello, my loves,” Vox smiled softly, walking up and pressing his whole screen against the tank. “Hi, Vark,” He greeted one of the sharks, who swam happily up to the glass and showed off his flipping skills. “Well done,” Vox chuckled, zapping the feeder inside the tank to give Vark a little treat.

“You seem perfectly over the weather to me, old pal,” An annoying radio voice remarked, making Vox jump out of his skin and short circuit.

“The f*ck are you doing here?” Vox demanded.

“Charlie asked me to check up on you,” Alastor shrugged.

“No she didn’t.”

“No, she didn’t.”

They stood across from each other, both looking at the sharks swimming happily in the tank.

“Well hello you vile creatures, did you miss me?” Alastor questioned, tapping his claws on the glass.

“Don’t talk to them like that,” Vox defended as another one of the sharks, Venus, swam up to the glass and booped Alastor’s hand.

With a soft chuckle, Alastor said, “You really do adore these beasts, don’t you?”

“Why don’t you go f*ck yourself?” Vox rolled his eyes, folding his arms over his chest.

“It’s not a bad thing,” Alastor remarked, dragging his hand over the glass as Venus followed. “It’s cute. How much you care about something so pathetic.”

“They’re not pathetic, they’re predators.”

“And still stuck inside a tank waiting for their master to give them food instead of hunting for it themselves. You spoil them, Vox,” Alastor expressed, continuing to play with the shark.

“They deserve it,” Vox replied, refusing to look at Alastor. “They’re my children, I’m not going to make them hunt for food when I’m perfectly content with feeding them.”

“And when you’re not there? What will happen to them?” Alastor questioned.

“I’ll always be there. I tend not to disappear for seven years.”

This spread a silence over the room. Alastor’s hand paused on the glass and then slowly lowered behind his back. Vox continued observing his sharks instead of looking at Alastor in case he noticed any weakness in his face. It was an unwritten rule – they were never vulnerable with one another unless the other person fought the information out of them.

“Clearly you’re bitter,” Alastor remarked, amusem*nt leaking into his tone.

“Bitter? Everyone thought you were dead. No goodbye. No cryptic messages. No sign of you anywhere. What was I supposed to think?” Vox asked, very bitter.

“I assumed you wouldn’t, you don’t seem to do that a lot,” Alastor teased, but he didn’t mean it. He was deflecting. Vox knew what he sounded like when he was trying to switch the topic. He’d known Alastor for long enough.

Gritting his teeth, Vox tried to keep himself from yelling for now.

“Disappearing just seemed unlike you,” Vox remarked after taking a deep breath.

“Redemption seems unlike you,” Alastor replied easily.

Vox smirked. This was how it usually went. Every fight started with an argument where they would point fingers at each other to escalate things. Vox felt young again.

“Some people change, Alastor, we don’t all reuse the same format every time,” Vox shrugged.

“My format is timeless. It has never failed me before,” Alastor retorted as if he genuinely believed that.

Vox chuckled, “Like it didn’t fail you in that battle?”

Snapping his neck towards Vox, Alastor finally made eye contact with him. It was electric, the silence filled with their static colliding. Oh, how it thrilled Vox.

“Didn’t your little colleague want to fight? She talked about your ‘assault plan’ and yet I don’t recall you being in that battle,” Alastor argued, only making Vox want to fight him even more. Just to feel the same as he did so many years ago.

“I don’t recall you inviting me, and I don’t show up uninvited, unlike some people,” Vox shrugged, putting his hands behind his back just like Alastor. “It just seems more polite to, you know, share my location plans.”

“Oh, get over yourself!” Alastor exclaimed, now annoyed instead of just amused. “I don’t owe you an explanation, I’m the Radio Demon!”

“And I’m your greatest rival! I deserve to know!” Vox yelled back, walking towards Alastor, sparks flying from his screen.

“It doesn’t concern you,” Alastor said, his voice becoming more quiet and dangerous as his eyes went black. Vox’s, on the other hand, widened and went hypnotic.

“Do you have any idea how much it concerned me?” Vox asked through gritted teeth as he grabbed Alastor’s lapels and dragged him closer. Alastor didn’t fight it, he didn’t push him off, he was always playing with fire when it came to Vox, always letting it get a little too close.

“Please, enlighten me,” Alastor demanded, speaking through his famous grin, now bitter and dark as his teeth looked sharper than usual.

“I knew you were alive, I searched everywhere for you, knowing that when I found you, I would win. I kept searching, Alastor, I…I was always searching. And just when I’d lost hope it’s like you just knew. Like you came back just to spite me.”

“It has absolutely nothing to do with you.”

“LIAR!” Vox screamed, pushing Alastor backwards as the lights flickered and the water in the tanks sparked with electricity, causing the sharks to get electrocuted, energizing them. “WHERE’S YOUR FIGHT, ALASTOR?!” He yelled, practically pleading,

“God, what happened to you?! You were stronger than this! You had the perfect opportunity to catch me off guard and you decided to stay at this hotel instead?! It doesn’t make any sense!” Vox exclaimed, stomping on the ground like a toddler, Alastor’s grin was amused again as he watched, “You were supposed to come back FOR ME!!!”

“How I admire your ego, Vox,” Alastor remarked simply, fixing his overcoat.

“You’re talking to me about my ego?!” Vox asked, almost laughing, “You?!”

“I have a life outside of you, you know,” Alastor said, pretending like he didn’t care, rolling his eyes, clearly exaggerating.

It angered Vox all the same and he pounced on Alastor, pushing him to the ground and wrapping his hands around Alastor’s throat. “You missed this, just f*cking admit it. Or can you not see that behind your massive ego?” Vox asked, chuckling darkly. This was what he’d been waiting for. He waited for seven years.

“You’re obsessed with me,” Alastor managed to choke out a crackly laugh that Vox could feel beneath his fingers.

“Oh, yeah, baby,” Vox grinned, tightening his grip until Alastor seemed like he was struggling. A tentacle wrapped around Vox’s waist and pulled him off, but not for long because Vox shocked it – making it retreat.

Alastor managed to sit up when Vox wrapped a bolt of electricity around him, pulling him towards Vox. “Don’t act like you don’t love this,” Vox smirked, revealing his teeth.

“Did you try this on Valentino? Because I’m sure it worked on him,” Alastor shrugged, sending 5 tentacles towards Vox, wrapping around his wrists and ankles, making him lose the bolt and trapping him when he tried to struggle against them.

“You’d have a heart attack if you knew what Val and I used to get up to,” Vox remarked, his arms being stretched out to his sides. But he didn’t fight, he just looked up as Alastor got on his feet and walked towards him, towering over Vox sitting on the ground.

“You may think I’ve gotten weak, but you’ve got dumber. It’s what I always say about new technology,” Alastor dragged his microphone over Vox’s screen, still some cracks there from the night with Val.

Vox closed his eyes, ready for Alastor to knock his microphone into his screen but it never came. Opening his eyes, Vox saw Alastor just observing him, a genuine smile on his lips.

“Fine, you win. I have missed this,” Alastor remarked before dragging Vox’s body into the air and throwing him against the wall. Vox laughed, loud, raw and filled with glitches.

Bolts of electricity were sent Alastor’s way, which he all dodged, but then Alastor wrapped his tentacles around Vox’s waist, plucking him up and waving him around as Alastor started growing into his demon form, looming over Vox. But with his hands free, Vox shocked the tentacles again, causing them to drop him to the ground. He was small compared to Alastor who let out a low chuckle, snatching Vox up with two hands and bringing him up to his huge, black and red eye.

Vox couldn’t help but laugh too and soon the room was filled with their laughter, Alastor shrinking down to his usual size, dropping Vox down beside him and they lay, two rivals, laughing about nothing in particular. But what mattered was that they were together.

And with Vox’s sharks, of course.

Chapter 4: Put On Your PJs

Chapter Text

“And on a scale of one to ten how sh*tty was Valentino? What other f*cked things has he done?”

Vox looked more bored than he ever had on TV before. He’d met Katie Killjoy before and he couldn’t stand the bitch, but needed this segment so the press would stop showing up at the hotel – though Alastor had been eating good for the past week.

“Have you asked any former employees for that information?” Vox questioned, getting in his reporter brain. “I’m sure they’d be delighted to share. On a scale of one to ten, he was certainly a grade A asshole.”

“Thank you for that, Vox,” Katie replied with a huge fake smile, snapping her neck to the side, promising death to Vox when they were done.

“No problem, Killjoy,” Vox beamed back, enjoying her anger.

“Is Valentino dead is the real question,” Tom interjected and Vox contained a groan, choosing to roll his eyes instead.

“Nope!” Lucifer chimed in. He was sitting beside Vox, having been invited for the interview with Alastor, Vox and Velvette. Lucifer had agreed instantly, Alastor and Velvette refused because Alastor claimed TV was ‘too modern’ and Velvette claimed it was ‘too old’. Vox still had no idea how they got along.

Which they did! Vox caught them gossiping one night, giggling like schoolgirls when Vox walked in.

“I think killing’s a little old testament, so I just ripped up his contracts,” Lucifer continued, chuckling like he was sharing a silly anecdote.

“And you’re not scared Valentino could rise to power again?” Tom questioned, seeming genuinely concerned.

“Will you shut up for one f*cking second, Tom? There’s no way he can rise to power again with his reputation,” Katie laughed, before abruptly stopping and looking at Vox and Lucifer. “But if he did, would you kill him?”

Vox and Lucifer glanced at each other. “I think I’d like to have a lawyer present before making any statements about that,” Vox remarked, nodding.

“I know a good lawyer–” Lucifer tried to speak but Vox elbowed him in the side, “Understood. We don’t have to tell you sh*t, what are you, cops?”

Katie and Tom exchanged looks before giving Vox and Lucifer passive aggressive smiles, which Lucifer and Vox mirrored back to them, folding their arms bitchily and folding one leg over the other at the same time.

The interview came to a wrap after that, Vox and Lucifer started walking off together, doing a small fist bump when Katie cleared her throat behind them.

“I don’t mean to pry but are you two…” Katie asked, making lewd hand gestures.

“Heaven and hell no!” Lucifer exclaimed.

“No, not at all,” Vox shook his head.

“We’re friends. Just friends,” Lucifer defended.

“Less than friends,” Vox added.

“Rivals! Enemies, even,” Lucifer explained.

“Oh yeah, I hate his guts, wish I could kill him right here,” Vox chuckled, pointing down at Lucifer with his thumb.

“If this wasn’t a fine establishment, Box wouldn’t be standing here right now,” Lucifer remarked, “He’d be bent over. My lap. While I spank him.”

“That sounded kinky,” Vox told Lucifer quietly.

“It wasn’t supposed to,” Lucifer mumbled.

“That’s okay, try again,” Vox assured.

“If I was in a room with this guy, he’d not be walking out of there without a limp–”

“Okay, we’re leaving.” Vox grabbed Lucifer’s arm and promptly got them the f*ck out of there as Katie laughed to herself on their way out.

“What was that, man?” Vox asked, texting his limo driver to come and get them.

“I wasn’t trying to make it sexual, okay? I just…I got nervous. I’m bad at social cues,” Lucifer tried to explain but Vox just rolled his eyes.

“You had ten thousand years to learn social cues,” Vox remarked, still holding onto Lucifer’s arm as if the King of Hell himself was an unruly child.

“Yeah and they keep changing all the time! Trust me, back when we spoke Latin down here, I was the life of the party. You should’ve seen my toga. That was hot,” Lucifer rambled, accepting the fact that Vox was just holding his arm now, choosing instead to have him hold his hand, which was kind of weird but neither of them mentioned it and just kept waiting for the limo to arrive.

“I’m sure I would’ve loved to see your toga. But now Katie Killjoy thinks we’re f*cking and she is not going to shut up about it,” Vox groaned.

“Well hey, people make sh*t up about me all the time and you don’t see me complaining. You know they call sex the Devil’s Tango? I don’t even dance tango. Only salsa, ballroom and I’ve tried ballet,” Lucifer explained as Vox rolled his eyes so hard he was sure they were going to get stuck like that soon. “Did you just roll your eyes at me?”

“What are you gonna do about it? Keep talking about salsa?” Vox asked, grinning as he looked down at Lucifer.

“Oh, funny. You’re a real funny guy. You know what, now you have to tell me about what you’ve danced,” Lucifer demanded, putting his foot down. Vox chuckled.

“The Devil’s Tango, many times,” He smirked and Lucifer rolled his eyes.

“Ha ha, very funny. What have you actually danced? I’m curious,” Lucifer asked, now actually seeming interested and not like he was just being sassy.

“I suppose I’ve dabbled in ballroom and salsa. Even modern and contemporary. But I did always adore dancing jazz,” Vox smiled, looking dreamily off to the distance.

Vox and Alastor would find every excuse to dance, whether it was leading up to a fight or just a night out on the town, they never missed the opportunity and always knew how the other’s body moved in flawless patterns. Vox could still trace out every curve of Alastor’s waist.

“With a certain someone, I presume?” Lucifer remarked, looking a little pissed.

“Of course,” Vox replied as the limo arrived and Vox let go of Lucifer’s hand in order to open the door for him.

“You’re a gentleman, huh?” Lucifer mumbled as he got in, more to himself than to Vox.

“Yes, sir,” Vox replied, sitting next to Lucifer and pulling out his phone.

Lucifer glanced down at Vox’s free hand next to him and took it. “You don’t think anyone will care about the rumors that…woman will spread, do you?”

“That bitch lies every time she opens her mouth, most people won’t give a sh*t,” Vox replied, looking up from his phone reassuringly.

“Okay.”

They held hands for the rest of the ride there. It wasn’t a particularly romantic or sexual thing, Vox found it easier to receive affection now that Charlie would attack him in a hug every morning, or every time he came back from some work he had to do.

Velvette wasn’t a particularly affectionate person, and Val was more about the sexual side of things so Vox had never just sat holding hands with a friend since he was alive. Probably since he was a kid.

It felt nice, he wasn’t overthinking it. Or at least he was trying to.

“Dude, is your screen/computer/TV head always this loud?” Lucifer asked.

“It’s hot outside,” Vox replied quickly, and he did sound convincing but it didn’t shut Lucifer up.

“It’s always hot outside. The air con is on in here,” Lucifer argued, “What does that have to do with it?”

“My fans are cooling down my systems so I don’t overheat and wipe out the power grid,” Vox explained, his fans becoming even louder.

“Okay, big guy,” Lucifer chuckled as they pulled up at the hotel.

Upon walking inside, they were attacked by questions from Charlie. “How’d it go? We watched the broadcast, you two handled the questions so well! Did Katie make you uncomfortable? I really, really don’t like her—”

“Charlie!” Lucifer exclaimed, grabbing her shoulders, “We’re great, honey. It’s all good.”

“Killjoy thinks we’re f*cking,” Vox added and Lucifer shot him a glare.

“What now?” Alastor butted in, appearing beside Charlie.

“You should see Lucifer in a toga,” Vox winked and Lucifer rolled his eyes.

“I would rather die,” Alastor replied, gripping onto his microphone.

“Ooookay! We were actually planning something really exciting for tonight, so everyone can talk and get to know each other better,” Charlie announced, bouncing up and down, “A slumber party!”

Cherri, Velvette, Husk and Angel groaned behind her.

“A slumber party sounds awesome!” Lucifer exclaimed.

“It sounds like torture, I won’t be joining,” Alastor remarked dismissively.

“Everyone will be joining!” Charlie corrected and Vox sighed.

A slumber party did sound like a nightmare, but if it was an opportunity to torture Alastor, Vox wasn’t opposed to the idea.

“Sounds like a good idea, Princess,” Vox added, starting to smirk at Alastor, who snarled.

“Thank you, Vox. I’m glad some people appreciate my ideas, Alastor,” Charlie remarked sassily, walking off.

“I refuse to participate in such endeavors, I need my beauty sleep instead of staying up and playing games with the likes of you two,” Alastor scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“I’ll be thinking of all the best dares for you, big guy,” Lucifer grinned and patted Alastor on the shoulder as he followed Charlie, the deer quickly dusted off his overcoat.

“This will be so much fun,” Vox chuckled darkly.

“I will make sure it is not,” Alastor replied with his eyes narrowed.

They turned their heads to the sounds of complaint from everyone else.

“A slumbie sounds like a stupid idea, we’re not twelve,” Cherri remarked.

“The boys and I had a slumber party three years ago and I would rather die than experience anything like that again,” Velvette added, even looking up from her phone to show that she was serious.

In retrospect, Velvette should not have been invited to that slumber party.

“Well this isn’t gonna be like that!” Charlie exclaimed, “It’ll be fun! We’ll have snacks and karaoke and games–”

“Alcohol?” Cherri asked.

Charlie sighed but then reluctantly said, “Fiine.”

“f*ck yeah!” Cherri yelled, throwing her arms in the air, Angel, Husk and Velvette seemed far more interested, too.

“Well I guess it wouldn’t be the worst idea,” Velvette expressed. “Is Alastor coming?”

“Why do you care if Alastor’s coming?” Vox chimed in, folding his arms and furrowing his eyebrows.

“Because I want to do his hair,” Velvette replied snarkily, beaming at Vox all innocently as if it wasn’t the worst betrayal of all time.

“How could you?” Vox asked gravely.

“Darling, don’t get mad,” Velvette cooed as Vox shook his head and teleported into the lights. “He’s mad.” Was the last thing Vox heard before he appeared in his room.

The night came around and they all migrated to Charlie and Vaggie’s room for the slumber party. Vox decided to wear an oversized Voxtek shirt and pajama pants with little sharks on them.

What he didn’t know was this was apparently a fashion show because Velvette showed up in what looked like a gown, with fur on the ruffles (because of course she did), Angel wore what was essentially lingerie (with fishnets and heels because of course he did) and Alastor appeared in a long dark red robe with a little night nap on his head (because of course…actually that was unexpected and a little hilarious).

Thankfully, everyone else wore actual normal pajamas. Although Husk was wearing more clothes than he did during the day, which was a little weird but at least he was dressed for the occasion.

And they were still waiting on Lucifer, as usual.

“You promised drinks,” Angel told Charlie, sitting on the floor, leaning on Husk’s lap as the cat demon sat in a loveseat.

“I did…Husk, did you bring drinks?” Charlie asked expectantly.

Husk reached behind him to grab a plastic bag filled to the brim with bottles, “Do I look like I’m bad at my job?”

“Yes, you do!” Alastor exclaimed. “But you do it just well enough that I can’t fire you!” He started laughing maniacally as if it was the funniest joke in the world. Vox felt the same way during thanksgiving when his uncle would make sexist jokes no one else at the table laughed at, considering Vox and his siblings were all raised by their single mom.

“Alright, let’s get this party started,” Cherri smiled, grabbing bottles and passing them around.

“We’re still waiting for my dad,” Charlie said, checking her phone anxiously.

“I’m sure he’s fine, Charlie, probably slipped in the bath again,” Alastor chuckled, opting to conjure himself some whiskey on the rocks instead of drinking from the bottle.

“Real funny,” Vaggie replied with a cold expression.

Niffty suddenly scurried out from under the bed, spooking Vaggie, who grabbed onto Charlie. A little lost, Niffty ran between Alastor and Vox on opposite sides of the room, deciding she wanted to sit with Vox, who smirked pridefully.

“You stole my girl, I steal yours,” Vox remarked to Alastor, stroking Niffty’s hair.

“You can take her,” Alastor waved an arm dismissively, which got him a bunch of dirty looks.

“She’s not property for you to give away, dickhe*d,” Cherri snapped at him.

“I like being property,” Niffty remarked happily and Vox slowly retracted his hand from her hair.

“So where’s the short king? Is he always this late to everything?” Angel asked.

The door theatrically swung open, a shadowy figure stood at the threshold. “I see you’ve all gathered here tonight…” Lucifer started in a dramatic and low tone. “For the best slumber party ever!” He exclaimed excitedly as he stepped in, throwing his arms into the air. The thing was: he was wearing a toga.

“You’re wearing a toga,” Vox remarked in disbelief. Everyone else stared at Lucifer and Velvette snapped a quick picture.

“Hot, right?” Lucifer grinned.

And Vox had to admit, it was pretty hot the way it flowed off of Lucifer’s body and accentuated his waist.

“It’s…something,” Vox managed, not wanting to flatter Lucifer too much. He didn’t know what the consequences of giving the actual devil an ego boost might be.

“What is that?” Alastor questioned, looking disgusted and a little afraid.

“Did you not hear him? It’s a toga,” Lucifer said, sitting down next to Vox. “Check it out, I got a duck pin, too,” Lucifer showed Vox a little Lucifer-esque duck pinned to the toga.

“Very nice,” Vox nodded.

“I’m sure everyone is suuuper interested in what my dad is wearing…” Charlie remarked, “But we should get started.”

“Who’s ready for ice breakers?” Vaggie asked, smirking devilishly as everyone groaned and sighed.

“No, no ice breakers tonight, baby. We are here to have fun and relax,” Charlie announced, “Let’s just talk, does anyone want to share something about their day?”

Lucifer was the only one who raised his hand.

“Yes, dad?”

“Today I found out that television does not in fact scramble the brain, but the televisions themselves have scrambled brains. Very loud,” He explained and Vox turned to look at him with a frankly defeated expression.

“Care to elaborate?” Alastor asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No thanks,” Lucifer replied, smiling.

“I’ll elaborate. I’m biomechanical, not human or furry or anything in between,” Vox glanced at Niffty, “I have fans in my head, which cool down my system in order to save me troubles. Is anyone burning with any questions?” Vox asked rhetorically but everyone except for Alastor and Velvette raised their hands. “No,” Vox said and everyone put their hands back down.

“What does biomechanical mean?” Niffty asked.

“We don’t have to get into personal questions so soon, actually. Let’s play a game,” Charlie offered. “Truth or dare?”

“No!” Alastor exclaimed.

“What do you have to hide, huh?” Lucifer narrowed his eyes at him.

“A lot of things,” Alastor retorted.

“We could do karaoke,” Charlie interjected, already looking exasperated. “OMG, Vaggie, sing ‘Love Is An Open Door’ with me!”

“Uhh, sure, honey,” Vaggie replied.

“You know that song is about Hans manipulating Anna into falling in love with him, right?” Vox asked.

“You know a lot about manipulating people, don’t you, dear?” Alastor grinned.

“Oh, you know me so well, baby,” Vox replied, adding a digital blush to his display before rolling his eyes.

“You know a lot about that kids’ movie, huh?” Lucifer smirked, leaning closer to Vox.

“Oh, shut up,” Vox groaned, pushing him away as Charlie dragged Vaggie up to the middle of the room and conjured up a TV behind her and another one for the lyrics.

Charlie looked so happy to be singing this children’s song, gazing into Vaggie’s eyes like there was no one else in the room, spinning around and giggling. It was honestly so cute Vox wanted to kill himself. They sang all the harmonies very well, finishing the song with Vaggie pretending to propose on one knee as Charlie laughed giddily.

“You two are so cute!” Lucifer exclaimed as he clapped, tears in his eyes. Everyone else clapped more half-heartedly.

“I f*cking hate happy couples,” Velvette mumbled, tapping away on her phone.

“You’re just lonely,” Cherri grinned, leaning in close to Velvette, who pushed her away.

“She puts the L in lesbian, really,” Vox added and Velvette flipped him off.

“Does anyone else have a song they wanna sing?” Charlie asked, seemingly unbothered by the argument going on.

“You know what? I do,” Vox remarked, standing up, “It’s kind of obscure, you really had to be there to know it. But I need a volunteer.”

“Me! Me! Me!” Niffty exclaimed, waving her arm in the air.

“Anyone?” Vox asked, “Alastor?”

“Nope,” Alastor replied, giving Vox a sh*t-eating grin.

“Hell, I’ll do it,” Lucifer finally volunteered when no one other than Niffty, who was jumping up and down, volunteered.

Vox smirked at Alastor when Lucifer joined the TV demon in the middle of the room.

“What’s the song, anyway?” Alastor asked impatiently, looking very annoyed at the situation.

“Glad you asked. ‘Loser, Baby’. Very good song,” Vox grinned, glancing at Angel and Husk, who’s expressions suddenly dropped and they shared a look of abject horror.

“Never heard it before. Is it your modern garbage?” Alastor asked, rolling his eyes sassily.

“It’s a modern masterpiece!” Angel piped up, wagging a finger at Alastor as Husk tried to soothe him by patting his shoulders.

“You know this song?” Vaggie questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course I…” Angel started and then faltered, “I heard it was good…”

With a massive grin, Vox turned to Lucifer, “Your part is small, you’ll manage to keep up.”

“I’m not The Devil for nothing,” Lucifer shrugged as the first chord played.

And Vox really did put his all into the performance, copying what he saw Husk doing on his drones.

“You think your life is wrecked, well me just say, you’re correct!” Vox grinned, bending down to be on Lucifer’s level.

“Wait, what?” Lucifer said – and if he was acting, it was very convincing because he sounded more confused than Angel did.

As Vox continued singing, he glanced over the room to see peoples’ reactions. Husk and Angel were glaring at him, shaking their heads in unison. Cherri and Velvette, however, seemed to enjoy the song, chuckling along to the insults.

“You’re a power bottom at rock bottom but you’ve got company,” Vox sang, laying down on the floor.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Lucifer read off the TV before adding quietly, “I feel personally attacked.”

Vox nearly broke character, chucking as he continued singing.

As the song went on, Lucifer kept getting more and more confused by the lyrics but sang them regardless.

“It’s okay to be a–”

“co*ked up, dick sucking–WHAT?!” Lucifer exclaimed, looking very scandalized, putting a hand on his chest.

A few laughs scattered across the room, Alastor shaking his head annoyedly.

“I’m a loser, honey, a schmoozer and a–okay, man,” Lucifer shook his head.

“C’mon, c’mon, you’re a loser–” Vox encouraged him, taking his hand.

“Just like me,” Lucifer sang half-heartedly before Vox beamed and spun him around.

“I got an appetite for gamblin’!” Vox sang enthusiastically.

“I got an appetite for samplin’ every drug and–woah, woah, woah–I can find!” Lucifer sang, shaking his head as he looked back at Vox.

“Go ahead, baby, sing that song, C’MON!” Vox sang, prancing around the room, starting to clap along to the beat, trying to get everyone to join.

“I got no holes left to deflower–what is this?!” Lucifer exclaimed as everyone started clapping to the beat, even Angel, Husk and a really enthusiastic Alastor.

“I sold my soul to save my power, now I’m on that demon’s leash–” Vox winked at Alastor,

“I’m trapped and it gets worse with every hour!” Vox and Lucifer sang together, pressing their backs together awkwardly because of their height difference.

Lucifer seemed to enjoy the attention and started singing with a smile, “You’re a loser, baby,” he grinned at Vox.

Vox took Lucifer’s hands and they started dancing, twirling around the room as everyone cheered and egged them on.

“A loser, just like–”

“BOO! YOU WILL NEVER BE US!” Angel yelled, interrupting them.

“Angel!” Charlie complained and Angel folded his arms.

“It was ruined for me, I’ll ruin it for them,” He remarked, shrugging.

“Ruined for you?” Vaggie asked.

“It’s our song,” Husk explained and everyone made an ‘ooh’ sound.

“That makes way more sense,” Charlie said, scratching her chin.

“Those are some very crude lyrics, young man,” Lucifer reprimanded Angel, wagging a finger at him.

“I agree!” Alastor chimed in, “Not that I’d usually agree with Lucifer but…”

“Well I think it’s a great song,” Vox remarked, “Not that I like you guys or anything, but good music is good music.”

“You’re weird, man,” Husk replied, shaking his head, “Spying on us like that.”

“If it was private, you wouldn’t have performed it in the middle of the street,” Vox argued, going to sit back down with Lucifer.

“See, this is why I don’t go outside, you never know who’s watching you,” Lucifer said, narrowing his eyes at Vox.

“No one wants to watch you making your little rubber duckies,” Vox rolled his eyes. Lucifer frowned, furrowing his eyebrows in anger.

“Let’s do something else!” Charlie suggested.

“I want to do Alastor’s hair,” Velvette chimed in, smiling excitedly.

“Just because you lived with two baldies for years does not mean you can take it out on me,” Alastor expressed, hiding his hair from her.

“Baldies?!” Vox exclaimed.

“Oh, grow up, Vox,” Velvette groaned, getting up and walking up to Alastor, pulling on his arm.

“Who wants their nails painted?” Cherri asked, pulling out a bag of nail polish and dumping it out on the floor.

“Me,” Angel said, sorting through the nail polish and finding the pink.

“That’s a great idea! Hair and nails are an amazing bonding exercise,” Charlie remarked, dragging Vaggie over to the nail polish, “We could do make up, too!”

“We could stab each other!” Niffty giggled, pulling out a massive needle.

And so the slumber party turned more into a girls’ night: Velvette forcing Alastor to sit on the floor angrily as she braided his hair, Cherri painting Angel’s nails, chatting to him and Husk, Charlie doing Vaggie’s makeup as she straddled her on the floor, Niffty chasing Lucifer and Vox around the room with her needle as music played in the background and everyone started getting more and more drunk.

“OW! Can you be a little more gentle?!” Alastor exclaimed, trying to pull away from Velvette’s grasp.

“It doesn’t hurt, you’re being a baby,” Velvette snapped, pulling harder on his hair as he yelped.

“Vox! Control your girl!” Alastor yelled but Vox was too busy teleporting across the room away from Niffty, but she was incredibly fast and somehow knew where he was going to appear next.

“Control yours!” Vox said, out of breath, hiding behind Lucifer, who was also cowering in the corner from the little bug demon.

“Niff, leave them alone,” Charlie said, looking up from Vaggie.

Niffty just giggled and lifted her needle. Lucifer and Vox held onto each other, closing their eyes and accepting their fate when Niffty squeaked and was dragged over to Alastor by a tentacle.

“As fun as it is to watch you two suffer, I’d like to keep my reputation as a host,” Alastor said, wincing as Velvette yanked on his hair again, his eyes going black.

Vox and Lucifer made eye contact, quickly pulling away from each other, clearing their throats and brushing off their clothes.

“How about you make yourself useful, Niffty? Kill the spiders,” Alastor told her and Niffty quickly nodded before running to Angel.

“Not him!” Charlie exclaimed.

“No, no, no!” Angel yelled, quickly getting up while holding his hands up, trying to protect his manicure.

Alastor chuckled darkly before scowling again as Velvette concentrated on getting his braids as tight as possible.

“Oh, I’m exhausted. Haven’t had a workout like that since…well, since Lilith,” Lucifer remarked, laughing softly, putting his hands on his knees.

“Ew, dad,” Charlie groaned.

“Big talk calling Vox and Val baldies when you have no hair on the back of your head,” Velvette remarked and Alastor growled.

“Ahaha, f*ck you, Alastor!” Vox laughed breathlessly, putting up his middle finger. “I need to lie down,” He said, putting his head in his palms.

“Are your biomechanics getting old?” Lucifer grinned.

“Shut up, you’re old enough to be my great-great-great…you get the idea,” Vox said, waving his arm.

“You can get the sleeping bags out, they’re in the closet,” Charlie smiled, pointing to a door behind Vox and Lucifer.

Lucifer and Vox fought to get there first, pulling out the egregious amount of sleeping bags and throwing them out on the floor.

They were the first to lay down, bickering about something pointless as everyone started finishing up what they were doing. Velvette took pictures of Alastor’s new look as he complained that the braids were too tight, then of Vaggie’s makeup and Angel, Cherri and Husk’s nails (Angel convinced him to paint them black and gold), and finally of everyone in their sleeping bags, getting ready to sleep.

Alastor collapsed into his sleeping bag, next to Vox, berating him as Vox made fun of his hair and told him he looked cute. Velvette crashed next to Cherri, who was hugging Angel, who was hugging Husk. Vaggie wiped off her makeup and laid down with Charlie in their bed, Niffty curled up at the foot of the bed.

And as the room quieted down and the city outside could barely be heard, soft snores emitting around, Vox stared up at the ceiling and smiled. There was never a night where he didn’t feel lonely at the V tower, even sleeping next to Val or hanging out with Velvette.

“Are you two sleeping?” Vox asked quietly, looking between Lucifer and Alastor.

“Yes,” Alastor replied, his eyes wide open.

“No, I’m awake,” Lucifer murmured sleepily.

“I hate you guys,” Vox whispered, like a secret confession. And it was true, he couldn’t stand them. But he wouldn’t rather be anywhere but here.

“I hate you more,” Lucifer chuckled softly.

“I’m going to kill you someday. I’ll eat you alive,” Alastor uttered, showing his sharp teeth to Vox, who only beamed at him.

“Night, boys,” Vox smiled.

They murmured a good night back to him and they all fell asleep, waking up in a pile of limbs, all holding onto one another because they were all far too proud to admit that all of them were just as lonely as each other. But it was so much easier to hate Alastor and Lucifer than love Valentino.